SafeTrip4 – Day 2


after I wrote to you yesterday I carried on with my work calls/emails for a couple of hours, had a shower, packed my stuff and left the apartment I am staying in to go check into the hotel. I am staying in a hotel for a few nights cause I am here on work visit. after I checked in, I went to a male grooming saloon, I checked it to make sure it is not a dodgy one and to make sure I am not putting myself at risk. I bookended before and after the session with another member from the fellowship.

Got back to my room for a quick shower and to change before I go out again. As i was packing my bag to head out I saw my compass. I immediately rememberred that i didn’t say my prayers. so I looked up the directions and said my prayers. 🙂 I am so grateful for that reminder.

when I finished i carried on with the errands I needed to run with various government agencies and embassies. again I was really lucky in being able to get so much done in so little time. I am a very lucky man in general. it shows in most of my dealings. my wife was talking to me and said “you don’t need to buy lotto”! my answer was “of course I don’t, why waste time and energy in the pursuit when my life is full of winning”

later in the afternoon I went shopping for a suit for my sister’s wedding next month. I was looking for a suit for a bit now and i didn’t find something i like within my price range. but this time i was lucky again, found a really affordable and really good looking suit. I still need shirt, shoes and tie but hey, i am a lucky guy so i will find them i am sure.

paid for the suit, got to my room, dropped the suit off and just rested on the bed for a bit after a long day of walking. I had only 15 minutes of down time before i had to head out to dinner with my sister in law and her family. when we met it was a great catching up session but the food could be improved. so I left happy but not full. got to my hotel room, orderred room service, ate and slept.

I had a really good sleep, I was in bed just a bit after ten, I got up briefly at 4 then went back to bed till 5. at 5:30 I wend down to the Gym for a bit, did a bit of cross trainer which i didn’t like it, so i took it outside and started walking in the dark till 6:30. Had a nice walk and a good outreach call. got back to my room, took a shower, ironed a shirt and started to get ready for work.

I met my colleagues for breakfast and the day started. I managed to find a few minutes of alone time to type this. 🙂

thanks for keeping me company

 

A spiritual high


I originally planned to name this post “the Sims turned me on” but then I thought I highlight a focus point more worthy of mention rather than search for the catchy title

That being said, the Sims did turn me on. Who would have thought? Certainly not me.

So yesterday started fabulously, it wasn’t a normal day, it wasn’t just another day, it was a REALLY good day. I had an outreach call with another SLAA member, I said my prayers and I started work and then I sent a very grateful message to every SLAA member on my phone book sharing with them how happy I am to be sober, how thankful I am for their support and fellowship. So all cool, right? I also got the most amazing replies to my text.

Then at some point in the afternoon I started playing the Sims game that I recently installed on my phone. I started building houses, getting people to move into them and comes the next task, get two Sims to be romantic and get into a relationship. Guess what I did? I got two men to be in a relationship! I thought that is innocent, right? They are cartoon character, nothing was sexually explicit and they were fully clothed. YET, I got a chemical high from getting these two men to talk, shake hands, and get closer towards their relationship. I was aroused! I wanted to masturbate.

I have been sober for 2 months, and then the thoughts came to my head to help me get my fix, such as: “I could have a shorter sobriety duration for masturbation and just go get off now”. I obviously knew that was an insane thought. So luckily enough I didn’t.

So now I was faced with a decision to make, I knew I had gotten myself into a “shot of whisky in a glass of milk” situation (refer to the AA Big Book for details). I knew that I had to uninstall this game. But I didn’t do it right away.

Last night, we had a study group as part of my religious group and we were sitting reading the Holy Writings and reflecting on the life of one of the Central Figures of our faith. During this meeting I felt a sense of a spiritual high that I didn’t experience for a really long time, tears were trapped in my eyes and I was in AWE. I knew at this moment that I am feeling this way only because I was sober. And I knew at this moment that it is worth the pain and that I am so thankful to have been sober.

Cravings chased me again later that night after bedtime but well, I pulled through! This morning I uninstalled the game and I talked to my sponsor about it.

I am grateful the day passed, I am grateful I am still sober and that I am here to tell the story.

 

withdrawal – Weird Dreams


during my first week of getting in touch with SLAA I had 3 weird dreams. I will write a different post about my first few weeks experience but I will details the dreams here.

Weird Dream 1:

there is a large gathering of friends in a hotel venue, my wife and I occupied a hotel room. and she left the room, I was alone in bed in my shorts, covered with a blanket trying to sleep, then a completely naked woman shows up. she is looking around for something in the room, I ignored her and acted as if she is not here and remained in bed trying to sleep, the room door was open facing the bed and a guy was standing at the door then the naked lady jumps on the bed still “searching” for something and that is when I panic, I try to push her away but in that attempt I offered the perfect pose for a picture with me topless and she naked and the guy at the door snapped a shot!! I woke up with anxiety and racing heartbeat.

Weird Dream 2:

I am in some kind of a riverside camp, it is night time, the river is deep, narrow, with really strong current and a short bridge to cross to the other side. the dream starts with me standing by the river side it is dark then I fall in the river and the current starts moving me. I am floating and my shoulders never immerse under water. the current carried me to the other side of the bridge and then I decided to just reach out, and when I did I got hold of a branch and effortlessly pulled myself out of the river.

Weird Dream 3:

I was in some kind of a treasure hunt with a large group of people and they were all after a particular flower for only the one who capture that flower wins. and I was standing just underneath a branch where that flower is. I was aware that the flower is above me but I was more fascinated by watching the race, watching everybody search, then as they approached near me I was suddenly aware that I could win, and I grabbed the flower and I was immediately declared a winner, the prise was a flying toy with remote control I was fascinated by it.