Fast reflections Day four


I had a bit of a rough night with the kids and woke up a few times to settle them. I was really exhausted when I finally got up to eat breakfast. my plan was to finish eating and go back to sleep. but I ended up doing something better.

background: I had mentioned that my father is a sex addict. in my search for SLAA or SA material in Arabic I found only some and relatively poor translation. one of the hopes was to find a fellowship in the Arab world but I wasn’t so lucky. since then the thought had been on my mind to do something about it. also I met an Arab sex addict a while back when I first came to the fellowship. so while on the plain to wellington the other day I emailed him about starting a fellowship in the Arab world. when I woke up I got a reply from him and we decided to talk on skype.

so that is what I did after breakfast. I had almost 40 minutes with him on the phone discussing what we could possibly do to start a fellowship in the Arab world in Arabic using translated material. there is of course a number of obstacles that we need to overcome but it was still an uplifting reality to be having this conversation first thing in the morning.

I then was able to help my kids with their breakfast and get them ready for preschool before I started work. I was able to take a lunch break nap since I am not eating lunch. (In case you weren’t here earlier I am fasting).

Thursday nights I have a Face to Face SLAA meeting that starts 7:45 and finishes at 9PM. the Sun sets at 8 pm. I went to the meeting and managed to get myself a glass of water when the time came. I wasn’t that hungry but I was certainly tired. I enjoyed being at the meeting, enjoyed the catch up with fellow addicts discussing their recovery.

I got home, kids were already asleep, I had a nice warm meal with my wife, did a few things to help and had my famous sugar free Avocado Chocolate Milkshake and went to bed!

More reflections to come

 

Fast Reflections Day three


I had a domestic flight scheduled for 7 am to Wellington for a work presentation/meeting. I planned to wake up at 5 am, have breakfast and get dressed and be out of the house by 5:30 am. the airport is a 40 minutes away. what actually happened is I got to say my prayers and get ready while my mom and wife prepared breakfast then I left home at 10 to 6.

I would have made it if I didn’t have to go through airport security. I was almost very confident that I will barely make it until I saw the security queue and I was “Oh no! I didn’t account for the queue” hehehe.

I got the gate door just as they were closing it. so I was just a minute too late. which cost me a $100 bucks to get on the next flight in 30 minutes. I was a bit displeased but it was my fault and I have to pay the price. if there is something I learned from SLAA is that I always tried to get away with my mistakes. I blamed someone else for their inflexibility or their lack of empathy or this and that, but I didn’t blame myself for the act itself. this time I just accepted this to be a consequence of my actions.

It was meant to be rush hour when I get to Wellington but luckily I wasn’t only 30 minutes behind. work wise I didn’t really need to be in the meeting that early but I wanted to so I get to hear what the audience go through before my presentation. so it was alright to be a bit late. when it was my turn to present, I just got up and rolled with it and it went well.

I had a couple of hours of down time before my next meeting. I was able to get a bit of work done and catch up with a colleague regarding an issue. Then I took a short walk to meet employees of a company that I will be working with from now on. it was just me and 11 of them, I am meeting them for the first time. also it is a new side of the business that I don’t know much about yet. I was able to forthright say that “I don’t know much about what you do or how you do it, but I am going to learn, so let’s collaborate”. the guys were wonderful and while they had so much to say they still had a smile on their faces.

I had a nice short walk after the meeting then collected my stuff and got a cab to the airport. I had 3 hours before my flight back to Auckland. I was given access to the lounge so I was able to sit somewhere comfortable and have a nap because I was really tired. I did have a call with one of my sponsees, watched a bit of YouTube and got some work done.

I got home happy, I had a nice warm meal with my mom who waited for me to have dinner. had a nice chat with my wife then I was ready to collapse. I ran straight to bed after brushing my teeth and again I was asleep in no time.

more reflections to come.

SLAA Retreat – Day three


So by the time I finished my post last night, the Quiz time had finished. While the quiz was going, one of the members came to me and asked me to search online for the bedtime story, the velveteen rabbit. Once the quiz finished, he told everyone that it is story time. People went off to get in their PJs and grab their blankets and got comfortable in the living room and then he started telling the story. It was really nice to listen to and the way he read it was wonderful.

Shortly after the story I was in bed. I had really deep sleep though I woke up with a bit of back ache. I also managed to sleep till almost 8 am. I had a nice warm shower and got ready for the day.

While I was preparing my breakfast, a gentleman was in the kitchen and started talking to me and we had a chat the turned into a full on conversation. He’s been in the program for a couple of years, he attended a few meetings regularly and then stopped and then came once and stopped again and he decided to show up to the camp. He learned a great deal and felt like he has to keep working the program. While we chatted he opened up and shared about our lives, something touched him in my story and his tears started flowing. It sounded like he felt so lonely and isolated. Feelings I often experience and relate to.

We had our first session for the day which were on steps 10/11/12. The sharing was very helpful. Then we had our morning tea and the same gentleman asked me if we could chat a bit more. We got into a private corner and started sharing again. He was straight, I have same sex attraction, so our acting out activities are not the same. Yet we found a lot of commonalities in our patterns and our feelings. It was a great chat. We agreed to stay in touch and outreach. We live in two different cities but this fellowship isn’t limited by geographical boundaries.

We had a final session before lunch were we each had a chance to get current and thank the organisers of the camp. It was wonderful. I felt like I was on a family holiday. While it was intense emotionally and I felt exhausted at the end of every day, I felt home. I was loved and loving others in return, I was accepted and accepting those around me and looking forward to a future of continued recovery.

I wrote this on the plane back to Auckland, I am now at home, had dinner with the kids and they are sound asleep 🙂 have a good day everyone.

SLAA retreat – Day two


Today was the second day of the Wellington SlAA Retreat. I am really tired but happy.

last night I couldn’t sleep till 1 am cause another slaa member in our room snored really loud. so me and another guy had to look for another room. then I was up at six am. my clock is set up for the time my kids come into the room. when I couldn’t stay asleep I just got up and said my prayers and started having breakfast.

we basically had sessions that deep dive into every step and we got all the way to step 9. there was a fair bit of sharing for up to step 4/5 and then the sharing got a bit light. I guess because less people had experience in the later few steps. it was wonderful.

we had a nice outdoor lunch and the sun was out the weather was great. then we had an hour and a half of afternoon break and a few of us went for a drive and a walk, the nature was gorgeous. Below are some more pictures I took.

Dinner was a great gathering of friends, wonderful team work and collaboration effort. and after dinner two of us went down to the rive and started throwing rocks in the water. it was great. felt like little kids again. I loved it.

when I got back they had a social night organized, it was NZ quiz. didn’t work for me at all, very quickly felt out of place. (I am not kiwi by the way) so I decided to take a bit of time to myself in a corner and post this. I will go to sleep soon. (I hope) cause I am beat.

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SLAA Retreat – Day one


I am now attending the SLAA Retreat in Wellington. A few of us flew to wellington and hired a car to the retreat location.  the first day had only one session, we basically arrived, had a light meal for dinner then went straight into a meeting. the first meeting was just about getting current and sharing how we are feeling, and how we are in relation to the camp.

after the meeting some of us took a walk down to the river and I took a few shots. not the best picture quality but they were too beautiful not to share. 🙂

this is where I am spending the weekend with other SLAA members

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this is the river down the hill

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the other side of the river down the hill

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