So I got on a plane and I was really happy, I felt so loved and looked after by my Higher Power, I received so much support from the fellowship by WhatsApp, Email and Twitter as there was Wi-Fi on the plane. The seat immediately next to me was empty which is good, no accidental touching ‘competing’ for arm rest or whatever. The guy that was sitting on my same row of seats wasn’t typically my type so I was thankful for that. I had it all. I was happy. Started watching one movie after another, I watched “The other woman”. Which talks nothing about sexual addiction but the guy is clearly a sex addict. They just called him a cheater.
Over the weekend I attended a f2f meeting just one day before my trip, the topic was relationship with ourselves. and the aha moment for me was how I filled up my time with anything but me, in the past it was acting out, now it is meetings, outreach calls etc.. while it is good to be doing all that (meetings and outreach calls) I am still escaping myself. So I thought to myself, I shouldn’t rush to a meeting immediately when I land but rather go to my hotel room, shower, and get proper rest. That was the “plan” that didn’t seem like a good idea towards the tail end of my 10 hour flight.
I started getting tired, I had a brief chat with the chap two seats away from me and then he mentioned something about his fiancée and I found myself ticking a box (okay, so he is straight, he wasn’t that attractive anyway). Why did I even have that thought? Then I started getting a number of insane thoughts and the answer was clear. I alone in hotel room is not a good idea. I am going to the meeting. So should I hit the spa for a quick shower to freshen up before I go? I know, right? Don’t worry, I didn’t do that. I basically got in a cab from the airport, dropped my bags at the hotel and took the same cab to the meeting.
in the meeting I was initially overwhelmed a little but then slowly started settling, and then I started wondering, “Who’s here suffering from compulsive sexual activities with other men?” then this cute guy started talking and mentioned the fact that he doesn’t have a girlfriend and I thought, hmmm so that one is out. CAN YOU BELIEVE ME? I promise I didn’t objectify, sexualise nor lust over any of the men in the room but I just had this mess going on in my head.
Got to my hotel room, took the lift and a guy walks into the lift with me. And I wonder, would he look at me? Would he make a move? I AM OUT OF CONTROL!! Oh if you didn’t read any of my earlier blog entries, I am a Sex and Love Addict.
So anyway, I made it to my room alone, I had a shower, I rested for as long as jetlag allowed me and now I am up to do a bit of work and get ready for another day. I will say my prayers right after I post this so I don’t forget. I am taking another 7 hour flight this afternoon to a country I have never been to before, staying only for one night and I have very little down time. Will keep you posted via twitter until my next blog entry.