Just realized that day three and day four posts are less than 12 hours apart. hehehe.
So I said my prayers and went down for breakfast. I sat on a different table with a view to reflect on the sky and the beautiful cloud formation with the sun in the background. I loved it. When I got back to my room there was very little to pack in my bags as it was a really short trip and I managed to travel light. I checked out and got straight to the airport. I could honestly say that I had very few triggers or had no triggers but had thoughts of “it would be nice to act out while keeping my sobriety”. I wonder if an alcoholic ever thinks that it would be nice to have a glass of wine with dinner and stop there. Is that the same thing? Anyway, I didn’t. I knew I couldn’t.
One of the things that kept me going was the Skype meeting. I am hosting a weekly Skype meeting on Fridays at 8 PM NZ time. Last week we had the first conscience meeting. In the meeting we decided that service positions should only be occupied by members who have at least 30 days of continuous sobriety. We are a young group in the program and there is only me and some other guy who have such sobriety. The agreement was that he would be the chairperson and I will be the secretary. If I acted out, I couldn’t be serving on the meeting. And the meeting wouldn’t happen. That kept me sober.
While we are practicing before the meeting we had some technical issues that meant the other member couldn’t chair the meeting and I had to play both roles the chairperson and the secretary. I was very glad I remained sober.
I will keep this short for today, I want to thank you for keeping me company. I am not travelling again for work before the end of the year. I might be going with my family somewhere for the holiday break. Will keep you posted.
Good lovely morning everyone. The sun is out and it is a beautiful day. What is even more beautiful about it is I am flying home in just over 4 hours.
I drove to work yesterday and got there early enough to get myself settled before my first meeting. I had a good few meetings with my boss and colleagues. I had a call with my sponsor. He sounded a bit different than usual, almost made wonder if he had too much to drink. But it was still a helpful call.
There is a gay guy in the Sydney office that I met years ago and kept in touch over time. I made sure I contact him whenever I am in town with the hope of acting out with him. Yesterday I happened to stumble upon him in the office, I asked him out for coffee. We had coffee and chatted, I was very thankful to be sober and thankful I never acted out with him. He appeared uninterested and not that interesting. If I wasn’t sober I would have humiliated myself being flirty and suggestive, then hated myself for not getting what I wanted. This time I was just me, with my integrity and self-respect intact.
The rest of the work day went well. while at work I checked the blog notifications for people who liked my post. I got a like from OAPlascencia. As per my habit I go check people who liked my blog and try and read through their blog to know a bit more about them. this time the blog was full of beautiful words in stories or poems accompanied by pictures romantic in nature between two men. I found myself unable to read through cause it was about to feed my fantasies and trigger me.
After work I went to visit friends briefly and then went to a meeting. I am not a big fan of the SLAA H.O.W. meeting structure. But anyway, I got to share under the new comers’ category because it was my first time to this meeting. They then assigned someone to talk to me after the meeting to make me feel welcomed. It was nice.
After I finished the meeting I found myself wandering the streets of Sydney in my car. I was really hoping for company, connection. Didn’t necessarily want to act out, didn’t fantasise about sex or being touched but I did want to be with someone. Maybe I was trying to avoid feeling alone or lonely. I took a while driving everywhere before I eventually decided to turn on my GPS and head to the hotel. At the hotel I found a family stuck outside their hotel room. A young boy, a mother and a grandmother. They spoke my mother tongue. I called the reception for them to send someone and help them in. While waiting for the hotel staff to come I had a nice chat with them and even played a little with the young boy, he was my son’s age. It was nice, I got my company.
I got back to my room, changed out of my day cloths and had no energy to shower before I went to bed, I had the same feeling I had when I wasn’t sober. Back then I was really tired but I didn’t want to sleep because I might be missing an opportunity to act out. It was weird why I didn’t want to sleep this time because there was nothing planned. I eventually fell asleep with the TV on. Woke up in the middle of the night to switch the TV off and go back to bed.
It is another beautiful morning over here. I have exactly less than four hours to my flight, I am already showered and I don’t have much to pack. Will get dressed, go for breakfast and check out. At the airport I will try to spend some time preparing for the Skype meeting I have tonight, the topic is Anorexia. I need to prepare the script for the meeting and work with the chairperson on it. That will keep me occupied.
I will write to you again from home when I have reached 🙂 thanks for keeping me company
Good morning everyone! After I left you yesterday I decided to drive to work, which was an adventure. I got kind of lost and the GPS wasn’t very helpful in the middle of tall buildings in the city, so I was about 10 minutes late to my first meeting.
I had meetings lined up all the way to 4 pm. meetings went really well and smooth and they all ended up by 1 pm. Everyone was available and we discussed everything we needed to discuss. So I was “free” three hours earlier than expected. Well not free technically cause it is still a work day, I just didn’t have anyone to miss me if were to be somewhere. I took a walk to my car and on the way to the car I was just so aware of the number of pretty boys around me. I was objectifying a little, but I didn’t sexualise. Or maybe they are the same, I don’t know. A very cute guy on the side walk turned his head and locked eyes with me for over a second. In gay languages that could be code for “I might be interested”. I kept walking but I did look back to see if he looked again. I was slightly annoyed to be sober and not be able to act out.
I got to my car and knew that I need to head straight to my hotel room. I had to drive past a road that had a Gay Sauna (Sex on Site venue) which I spent hours and hours in it prior to becoming sober. That was also annoying. I got to my hotel, got to my room and I wasn’t settled. I changed and went to the pool to swim a bit. The pool wasn’t inviting. it was more of a large tub than a swimming pool, so I ended up at the Gym, did a bit of cardio and some weights (don’t get the wrong impression, I am not a sporty guy but I just needed an outlet at that moment). I got back to my hotel room and started doing work. I was somewhat productive. I also went online to the SLAAONLINE.org chat room. I found a couple of SLAA members who heard my share and encourage me to keep going. I was pleased to have made it there.
I was determined to go to a meeting a night. The good thing about Sydney is that there is a meeting almost every night, actually there are a few meetings a night. There were three available to me last night, one of them was gay, lesbian, transgender focus. I decided to go to that one. For the sake of full transparency I need to share that the thought crossed my mind (am I going there to pick someone up?). Luckily the meeting wasn’t a place to pick someone up, it was a really safe environment, good sobriety among the older members. A couple of new members were at the meeting and I was able to share my story and share the message of recovery in their presence. What a privilege.
After the meeting I picked my cousin up and went to visit the family I talked about yesterday. Their daughter was at the hospital for an operation so we were there to support them. We stayed for a bit and then went out to get junk food (bad idea) but it was late and there was nothing open that served good food and I hadn’t had dinner.
I dropped my cousin off at his place, got to mine and slept. I am up now and it is a beautiful day. I will shower, say my prayers and get to work after having some breakfast. 🙂
Looks like I am travelling a lot again. I haven’t been for a while and certainly not since I came to SLAA but then BOOM, I am a gold status again on my frequent flyer. It feels very different travelling sober. All that time and energy saved or utilized differently not to mention the restful sleep!
So I am in Sydney, if you are one of my regular readers you’d noticed I didn’t do the day zero post from the airport like I did the last two times. I was a bit short on time and I didn’t have much to share that was specific to the trip. So anyway I got on a plane, no one sitting next to me. Got to the airport and there were a couple of guys in the immigration queue that I exchanged short conversations with. One was clearly gay, no advances though from neither of us. The other guy was cute and just made me think what I would have been like if I wasn’t sober. Luckily I am.
I got my rental and went straight to my hotel, I am staying at the Novotel darling harbour, first time to stay there and I kind of expected more than they have to offer, but oh well, it is a nice place non-the less. I met my cousin who lives in Sydney, got to my room, had a quick shower and changed then the two of us headed off to a family friend’s home. There was a large gathering of my favourite family in Sydney. We had a great time, some food and a lot of laughter till past midnight. I was dead, needed to head home so bad.
I had a good sleep though short. Nice shower in the morning then I went down for breakfast. After breakfast I took a minute to stand in the restaurant balcony and just take in the sky, the clouds, and the fresh air, all of it and be thankful. I went back up to my room, ironed a shirt and said my prayers and now I am writing this. I actually almost decided not to post a #SafeTrip entry for this trip. Maybe for fear of it not being interesting. But then I am not writing it for entertainment and if I keep it up it might be a tradition that I do with every trip that help keeps me sober while on the road. The journal daily and tell the world how my day went. And more importantly see it for myself.
When I am done with this, I will make one last decision (drive to work or take a walk) then start with my meetings. Some of today’s meetings I am not fully prepared for so I hope they go well. I need to pay more attention to how I use my time at work and procrastinate less hehehe.
Thanks for keeping me company