11 months later


well hello there, did you miss me?

I just read my latest post here, I wrote that 11 months ago. I was just one week sober then. Gosh, I remember that day very clearly, like it was yesterday. I am surprised that it was that long ago.

so let’s have it, I am 11 Months and one week sober YEEHEEE!!! it wasn’t without crazy insane thoughts, and it wasn’t without challenges, temptations and close calls. but hey, I am here, and I am sober. that is a call for celebration.

I am now facing another addiction. food addiction!! I just joined OA and today was my first abstinent day. let’s see how I go with that.

will keep it short, stay connected and let me know your thoughts.

backache is easier than insanity


I woke up today with a backache, i think I am not dressed warm enough or the bed i am sleeping in is not good for my back. bottomline is I am experiencing pain and pain is a trigger for me. I am familiar with drowning pain “medicating it” in the depth of my depth of my addiction.

I also got a text from my wife asking me to come help with the kids so she can rest as she had a rough night. I didn’t jump to the rescue but I jumped to resentment. I have them full time and I deal with the rough nights pretty much every night since we separated, why couldn’t she do it for a few nights. anyway, i quickly dropped the thought, went and showered, fed the dog breakfast and drove over to home. they were all getting ready to leave so I spent just a bit of time with the kids before they left then sat to have breakfast cause i haven’t figured out the kitchen in the house where I am staying.

I returned back to the house where I am staying, did a bit for work from home and took a nap. the back pain triggered the thought “i need a massage” which i probably do, but no i don’t. I got up, got my stuff ready and drove to the office. I got a phone call from another addict and I had a nice recover conversation. I got to my desk and started working working working until i finished what i needed to finish. I also recorded and edited a video for my YouTube channel! whoohoo, it had been a couple of months since my last video.

after i finished, i went to a SLAA meeting, talked recovery, then drove by carl’s jr to get dinner and drove straight home. I watched the movie Race. heartache. thank goodness we went from a Black gold medalist not being acknowledged by the White House, to a Black president in the white house. I guess Yay for humanity, we are making progress in some areas.

I will say some prayers and go to sleep.

8 days of full withdrawal, 28 Days sober

One week – yet again


I got up at 6 am after just five hours of sleep. I couldn’t go back to bed even though i really wanted to. not a bid deal though. I got up, said my prayers, did some reading, showered, changed, fed the dog breakfast and took her for a walk.

I hit the road and went to see the kids in the morning before going to work. I knew i won’t be able to see them in the evening and I didn’t want to not see them. we played for a bit and I had breakfast at home then I drove to the office.

work was cruisey and light, nothing too much to handle. before five I was out to pick up a friend and go grocery shopping. we bought some stuff and got to his place and I cooked dinner. I made an Egyptian Dish called Koshary. we had a good meal and a good chat before he walked me back to my car. on the way to the car he asked me about being gay and married, he was respectfully curious. it was good practice for me as I work towards coming out. it is also a good reminder that coming out will be a lot easier if I am working my recovery. acting out and coming out will be messy.

I drove home, on the way home I started thinking that maybe i still have some time to squeeze something in, i didn’t go far enough with the thought to explore the something, i started thinking maybe i need an out reach call and just at that moment a fellow addict called. we had a good chat till I got home.

I gave the dog her dinner, brushed my teeth and now typing this. it is almost 11. i will put the dog in her bed and tuck myself in mine.

24 days sober and 7 days in full withdrawal.

Second day and counting. 


So I’ve been sober for roughly 18 days today and in full withdrawal for two days. Today was meh I wasn’t inspired work wise I really want to find another job. 

Summary of the day. I went to work, had a few outreach calls, spoke to my mom and sis over the phone did some more work. I went home early, had a short argument with my dad played with the kids. Had dinner. Played some more. Put two of my kids to sleep as the eldest when to spend the night with his mom. Had another argument with my dad. Watched tv and over ate. Or binge ate. 

But hey I am sober another day. 

You again


I decided today 22/12/2016 to start a period of withdrawal and get back to recovery. I really don’t want to do this but hey first day just passed. 

Maybe short daily posts to check in will be beneficial for me. I will do them from my phone before I go to bed. Nothing fancy. 

Summary of the day is as follows. Rough night with one of my kids. Okay day at work. A couple of outreach calls. Picked the keys to the house I am sitting next week. Had dinner at home. Went to a SLAA meeting. 

Now I will shower, say some prayers, message some recovery partner and go to bed. 

Good night 

Withdrawal Day30


so listen to this, then read the little bit below the recording

now, thanks again for listening. i went out for dinner after i recorded this. met the guy i told you about. it was a really lovely chat. he is 15 years younger, we talked about relationship, my time in the workforce etc. it was great. we also took a walk by the viaduct enjoying the cool wind and the fragrances of the ocean.