Fasting, Recovery

Fast Reflections Day 10


after the rough night I told you about in my previous post I just went on with the day as per usual. I woke up a bit late today as my mom got up early to prepare breakfast for us. I tired to go back to sleep for a bit before the kids got up. I probably clocked half an our of extra rest.

I started working shortly after the kids got up and started having their breakfast and I wasn’t the most productive. wasted a lot of time. I was tired and unmotivated. but well I did get a few things done. I stopped work just past midday and went for a short nap then took a shower and got on my way to the hospital. I spent most of the afternoon with my wife and the baby.

there is really very little that we have control over. too many variables around us. controls is an illusion indeed. so my baby has jaundice, really strong. she needs to go through phototherapy. also she needs a bit more food that what she is currently getting through breastfeeding. as she is too lethargic to suck properly. the nurse was very sympathetic, and attentive. we got a pump for my wife to start expressing her milk and give the baby more milk that what they get by sucking. the story brought back the painful memories of our first child’s jaundice and breastfeeding challenges. we had so many issues with him that it was too painful, I didn’t want to have another child as a result (and look at us having three).

I have strong opinions about breastfeeding, jaundice and infant care. I had asserted many of these opinions with health professionals and with my wife when my first was born. it was terrible. combined with my wife’s post natal depression, it was a recipe for disaster. this time I was able to recognize the “self-seeking” character defect and the desire to be right and to control everything around me. I tried so hard to detach from these ideas and let things flow. I tried as much as possible to just be present, and support my wife through what she is going through.

I kept identifying her feelings and acknowledging them, then I asked how can I be helpful? she said, you are doing it! you are being helpful. I felt so privileged to have the chance to be the husband she needed at that point of time. and felt so blessed to have such family.

I came to a mother in distress who was in tears and feeling helpless, frustrated and worried and left a happy woman who was smiling while breastfeeding, pumping and holding our daughter to the UV light all at the same time.

Thank God for recovery

I got home, fed the kids dinner, put them to sleep with a little help from my mom in law. and then it was time for me to break the fast with my mom and the rest of the evening went really well. we said some healing prayers for my daughter and my wife and now I am typing this and will be ready to sleep.

more reflections to come

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Fasting, Recovery, SLAA

Fast Reflections day nine


so this week I am working half days only so work doesn’t pile up while I am looking after my family. so on Tuesday woke up early for breakfast before sunrise, started the day with the kids, did a bit of work from home till about midday then went to see my wife and baby, ran some errands, then back at the hospital for more time with my wife and baby then back home again to get the rest of the family to see the baby for the first time. by the time I got home it was about 5:30 pm. we don’t break the fast till 8 pm and the visiting hours are 6 to 8.

the “plan” was that the grandmothers (we have both of them visiting) will look after the kids, feed them early dinner so that we head to the hospital and the rest of the family gets to see the baby for the first time. while they feed the kids dinner I was hoping to take a quick nap as I was really tired and grumpy. then we get back round 8 so that mom and I can break the fast. of course that was MY PLAN. need I tell you it didn’t go according to MY WISHES?

Got home my daughter was crying to the top of her voice cause her brother hit her. calm my daughter down, talk to my son about what he did, give them both hugs and reassurances. I understand that they are both acting out because they miss their mom and probably impacted by the new arrival. when things settled I was hoping to get a power nap. went into a room, and twice my son stormed into the room just as I was about to drift away. long story short I am still tired and grumpier.

we went to the hospital. kids had fun patting and holding the baby but of course the grandmothers are exclaiming every other minute “watch out”, “not like this”, “careful the baby”. so I knew that will eventually be too much for the little ones to take so I took them to the visitors lounge along with their new puzzle that their mom and I bought on behalf of their little sister. we got some play time, while the two grandmas catch up with my wife and baby.

I got home just after eight, hungry and tired and the kids need to sleep. tried as much as possible to assist while my mom in law was looking after them, then got to eat a bit and I went again to attend to the kids as they were still up at 8:30. I got into the room with them, said prayers and told stories of their baby sister until they fell asleep.

I managed to brush my teeth and get into bed. I was really tired. I missed praying that day and I feel bad about it. the night wasn’t the best either. my son wet his bad so I had to wake up at 4 am, change sheets, wash him up and settle him back to sleep. then my daughter woke up a couple of times. SIGH

more reflections to come

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