poem, Uncategorized

Let the pouring rain 

Let the pouring rain wash away the pain, let the loud noise of the wind drown the thoughts that are insane let the peaceful quiet and the freshly washed green leaves remind me of what I could gain.

Let the heavy breathing of my sleeping child remind me to be grateful, let prayers transform my heart and not leave me hateful and let my humility stop me from being resentful.

Let my eyes be sin covering, let my soul keep discovering that for the rest of my life I shall keep recovering.

Let the pouring rain water my garden let the soft flowing water prevent my heart harden and let my humble prayers ask for pardon.

poem, Recovery, SLAA

Maybe …

Maybe it is just the heat, or maybe I feel this way cause I over eat, or do I eat because of the things I can’t defeat

How about just a treat, maybe I will fall standing on my feet, who am I kidding, recovery isn’t an easy feat

All this hard work, all this pain all the energy I could deplete

If I were to give in.

The heat is causing people to strip, shorts and pants barely hanging above the hip! Guys with sexy abs filling me with shame and my tummy size has only me to blame.

Should I diet? Or have one more bite? LCHF or run up a cliff, or maybe some sit-ups and push-ups.

I could go to the Gym, and hope not to lust over he and him. I could make my amends and give up the false pretence. Or I could do the pile of work that has been accumulating, that must be better than procrastinating.

I can’t live life the same way I did. I had a smile I had wit, I had patience my wife couldn’t get. I can’t get lean and pretend to be clean while having sex like a machine. I can’t binge eat and get fat on each treat and be unexplainably depressed I can’t keep lying and watch the time flying I can’t just live life the same way I did and all I feel like doing now is get another hit.