Really? Just three days? Why does it feel like I have been on the road for eternity? Could be because I am still sober? Sitting with time?
So hey, again, Thanks for reading and thanks for all the support that you offered in response to my daily post or in reply to my tweets. Also some of you have been emailing me and messaging me using other forms to keep me company. YOU ARE PART OF MY MIRACLE. And thanks to God, I am still sober.
Yesterday was bizarre. I had breakfast, got back to my room and got dressed and ready to go. Taxi didn’t quite know how to get me to the office despite having the address given to him in Korean, he put on his GPS and refused to follow the GPS instructions which is bizarre. it was okay for me to judge as an observer that this guy is lost cause he refuses to follow the steps offered by the GPS to get him to the destination. How stupid is that? If you want to get to a place and someone who has the map tells you turn right you’d be dumb not to. … Wait, but isn’t that what all of us addicts do when we relapse? We are not willing to follow instructions and we are asserting our will.
So I got to the office eventually, had a lovely two hour meeting followed by lunch and a walk in the old palace of the king. it was nice of my colleague to dedicate that time to show me around. And the place was right next door to the heart of the city. Then we got back to the office to meet another guy. Walks through the door this young shy Korean boy. He is probably in his 20s. He didn’t speak much English in front of me because he was shy, and he smiled because he was shy. I was trapped. I was flirting with my eyes every possible eye contact. GRRRR I was bouncing between restraining my addict and being my addict at a rate of 500 times a minute. It was exhausting. The meeting ended well, we finished a productive and meaningful presentation according to my colleagues. Then I had an hour to myself to do a bit of work before I had to catch a taxi to the airport again.
The taxi ride to the airport was over an hour long. I was tired had a bit of a cat nap then got to the airport and I was ready for a fix. I went to the bathroom to change into something a bit more comfortable for the trip and I spent a little too long looking in the mirror. I checked in and passed immigration only to find myself in the most crowded airport I have experienced. I was tired and feeling lonely while not alone, cute guys everywhere. I should at least get an idea of what audience is here to ‘meet’ (me thinks)! And the miracle happened. A SLAA member sent me a message asking me how I am, he had been reading my #SafeTrip entries and wanted to check on me. I started whining and complaining about the loneliness and the crowd and the cute boys and then as I was walking I came across a live band was playing the violin and the piano. God gave me music because He knew that is what I needed on top of the outreach from my SLAA friend. I sat down on the floor and literally started weeping. Tissues everywhere. I recorded a WhatsApp message that I heard later and didn’t understand a thing of what I said because I was just a mess. The music helped and my friend had a single goal in mind, to get me to safety. He kept me company for easily an hour via text and voice notes till I felt better. I took the train to my gate and suddenly it was this peaceful place. Not a lot of people. I sat to have a bite before the flight, got online and did a bit of this and a bit of that and when I got on the flight I fell into deep sleep for 5:30 hours then I got to my hotel checked in, showered, and slept again for about 4 hours. I got up said my prayers and started writing this.
I am so thankful to be sober today and to be able to share this with you. . I am staying for two nights in my current destination for a change so I don’t have to rush to the airport. I will be attending a face to face meeting tonight.