backache is easier than insanity


I woke up today with a backache, i think I am not dressed warm enough or the bed i am sleeping in is not good for my back. bottomline is I am experiencing pain and pain is a trigger for me. I am familiar with drowning pain “medicating it” in the depth of my depth of my addiction.

I also got a text from my wife asking me to come help with the kids so she can rest as she had a rough night. I didn’t jump to the rescue but I jumped to resentment. I have them full time and I deal with the rough nights pretty much every night since we separated, why couldn’t she do it for a few nights. anyway, i quickly dropped the thought, went and showered, fed the dog breakfast and drove over to home. they were all getting ready to leave so I spent just a bit of time with the kids before they left then sat to have breakfast cause i haven’t figured out the kitchen in the house where I am staying.

I returned back to the house where I am staying, did a bit for work from home and took a nap. the back pain triggered the thought “i need a massage” which i probably do, but no i don’t. I got up, got my stuff ready and drove to the office. I got a phone call from another addict and I had a nice recover conversation. I got to my desk and started working working working until i finished what i needed to finish. I also recorded and edited a video for my YouTube channel! whoohoo, it had been a couple of months since my last video.

after i finished, i went to a SLAA meeting, talked recovery, then drove by carl’s jr to get dinner and drove straight home. I watched the movie Race. heartache. thank goodness we went from a Black gold medalist not being acknowledged by the White House, to a Black president in the white house. I guess Yay for humanity, we are making progress in some areas.

I will say some prayers and go to sleep.

8 days of full withdrawal, 28 Days sober

A power greater than myself


23 days sober, and 6 days in full withdrawal. WOOHOO.

I slept well last night and slept in, didn’t wake up in the middle of the night and only got up at 7:30 am. it was good to have that amount of rest. I said hello to my host who had not gone on their trip yet, had coffee and chatted for a bit. I got a text from my wife stating that she had a really disrupted night and she needs me to come over to help with the kids for a couple of hours so she can catch up on her sleep. I said yes. the place I am staying at is 10 minutes away from home.

I went home, played with the kids for a bit while she rested. it was fun. she woke up refreshed and rested and was grateful for my help. soon after I got back to my friend’s place. my host was at the final bits of packing and they left shortly after.

I spent a bit of time on my PC looking for the NA Step working guide. I am working the steps now through the NA step questions. it is awesome. I had finished step one I think about a week ago. today I started Step two “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity” I answered the first couple of questions and it was a very helpful reminder that while this sucks, I can’t do it, someone else can.

I had a short nap, had a friend come over for a catch up and a bit of a walk, I had a shower, caught up with another friend over a phone call and then had my coaching session.

In my coaching session we spoke about my plan to come out. my coach was very loving and supportive. she will help me through the process. I have started making it known to people.

I got back home, checked on the dog, then drove out to grab a meal (drive through) and got home, watched a few videos on vulnerability by Rene Brown. powerful stuff.

I am going to bed sober. need to say my prayers. 🙂