Recovery, SLAA

My Sober Dreams

Since I started working the program of recovery I had periods where I didn’t have any sexual intimacy due to long gaps between sex with my wife. when that happened I had a fair amount of wet dreams. my wet dreams were all homosexual in nature. it was always bizarre to go through that. I often woke up feeling strange, almost uncertain, have I lost my sobriety? did this happen for real or was I truly asleep? then when it all settled, the blur is gone and I realize I was asleep then I have to deal with the mess in the middle of the night. Lucky my wife never ask me “what were you doing in the shower at 3 am”. I am pretty sure she noticed that I am wearing different PG pants from the ones I wore when I got to bed.

a couple of months ago I had my first Sober Dream. I was back in my home town in my parent’s house, we had a large gathering of guests and while I was alone in one of the rooms someone walked in on me and started to make advances on me. I gently pushed him away and started talking to him about Sex addiction and about the fellowship. I woke up feeling pretty good.

Last night I had another dream. there is a SLAA member that I connect with (I find him good looking but never fantasized about him, also he is straight). we were sharing a bed, don’t know why, but then he moved closer getting a bit “too close” seductively inviting. in the dream I jumped out of bed and objected to what he was about to do. I also got up happy. I sure won’t outreach to that SLAA member about my dream hehehe 🙂


SafeTrip, SLAA

#SafeTrip Day Four

Thanks again for everyone who read this. Thanks for everyone who pressed a like or sent me an email or a message to cheer me on, give me words of encouragement, offered tips and tools to consider and most importantly kept me company and reminded me I am not alone.

I am 95 days sober today. The number 95 is of special significance to me. Part of my daily prayers as a Bahai is to repeat the phrase “God is the all glorious” 95 times. This is the first trip that I prayed every day and didn’t miss except the day I flew in. I feel in constant communion with God today. He was keeping me company every minute, lifting me up when I couldn’t hold myself and sending signs and messages in all sort of forms. Words can’t express my thanks and gratitude to the All Merciful the All Loving.

Yesterday was a wonderful day. I had breakfast, had a reasonable start of the day timing wise. Had a couple of really good meetings with colleagues. They ran for double the time they were schedule for because there was so much to cover and my colleagues and I were engaged in a meaningful and productive conversation. I had a nice catch up with an ex colleague who’s now a dear friend. Then got to the hotel.

After a little bit of down time, I met with a dear friend of mine, he and I have one of the long lasting friendships I had. We caught up, had dinner, then he came with me to the face to face SLAA meeting. The meeting was inspiring and I was able to share and hear others share. After the meeting I caught up with another friend who was also attending the SLAA meeting. That other friend was someone I acted out with in the past. Then we became good friends. When I found out about SLAA I shared with him about it, and he related to it. And now he is going to meetings. We had a nice catch up while he grabbed a late dinner, and then we ended our meeting with prayers. I felt so at peace. Then I went to bed.

I woke up at 4 in the morning needing to answer nature, then I managed to get back to sleep. In that last hour of sleep I had a very strange dream. Kids where playing on a street within a large house, and so many times a car would come driving by and hit one of the kids’ toy cars and break a piece of it. Not sure if that means anything. Then all of a sudden I found myself scolding one of the drivers trying to push him out of the house and just before he left I acted out with him. It was so quick out of the blue. In the dream I had messed up my day, missed very important appointments etc. I woke up with a racing heartbeat. I was in shock. And I was so happy it was a dream, was so happy I woke up.

I am safe, happy, loved and looked after by God, showered, said my prayers and writing this. Will have a relatively free day today then I am flying back home tonight. I will be writing about that tomorrow when I reach home.


withdrawal – Weird Dreams

during my first week of getting in touch with SLAA I had 3 weird dreams. I will write a different post about my first few weeks experience but I will details the dreams here.

Weird Dream 1:

there is a large gathering of friends in a hotel venue, my wife and I occupied a hotel room. and she left the room, I was alone in bed in my shorts, covered with a blanket trying to sleep, then a completely naked woman shows up. she is looking around for something in the room, I ignored her and acted as if she is not here and remained in bed trying to sleep, the room door was open facing the bed and a guy was standing at the door then the naked lady jumps on the bed still “searching” for something and that is when I panic, I try to push her away but in that attempt I offered the perfect pose for a picture with me topless and she naked and the guy at the door snapped a shot!! I woke up with anxiety and racing heartbeat.

Weird Dream 2:

I am in some kind of a riverside camp, it is night time, the river is deep, narrow, with really strong current and a short bridge to cross to the other side. the dream starts with me standing by the river side it is dark then I fall in the river and the current starts moving me. I am floating and my shoulders never immerse under water. the current carried me to the other side of the bridge and then I decided to just reach out, and when I did I got hold of a branch and effortlessly pulled myself out of the river.

Weird Dream 3:

I was in some kind of a treasure hunt with a large group of people and they were all after a particular flower for only the one who capture that flower wins. and I was standing just underneath a branch where that flower is. I was aware that the flower is above me but I was more fascinated by watching the race, watching everybody search, then as they approached near me I was suddenly aware that I could win, and I grabbed the flower and I was immediately declared a winner, the prise was a flying toy with remote control I was fascinated by it.