Step 12: We tried to carry this message

Step 12: We tried to carry this message to sex and love addicts and to practice these principles in all areas of our lives.

You might already know from my earlier posts that I was a phone counsellor and my plan was to work on my counselling skills so I can help others and eventually open my own counselling practice.

Shortly after I came to SLAA I was able to clearly see that counselling as profession is no longer what I am going to do. To refresh your memories I had at that point of early recovery decided to stop working as a phone counsellor and I also said goodbye to therapy. I knew at that moment that what I needed to do was to focus on my recovery. I haven’t lost sight of my desire to help others but I knew that it will have to take a different form from what I had originally imagined.

I found a sponsor, set my sobriety date and started working the steps. Recovery story is really fun, I am enjoying working on my recovery and I love how my sponsor helped me work the program. One of the things my sponsor always stressed was his view on sponsoring others. His criteria is that an addict need to be sober no less than six months and is well into his 9th step before attempting to Sponsor others.

I was really eager to sponsor others to help them work the program, but I adopted my sponsor’s view or criteria for becoming a sponsor. So I waited. When I was close to six month sober and by then I had started my step9 and made progress on it. During one of the face to face meetings I raised my hand when the chairperson asked “for those who are willing to sponsor to raise their hands” and on that day I was approached by my first sponsee. I had met him for the first time at that meeting. We talked and I agreed to be his sponsor. And we started working together.

Given that this was the first time I sponsor someone through this program I decided to focus on the one sponee and not raise my hand again. And I did that for a few weeks till I got a better feeling of how my relationship with this sponsee goes, and how much time commitment it requires of me.

A few weeks later, in one day during outreach calls with other fellow addicts I was told almost the exact phrase “I would like you to be my sponsor but you are not available”. While I stopped raising my hand, I had never actually told anyone that I am not available. I answered to these two members that I am in fact available. And then my sponsees increased from 1 to 3. I felt that it was appropriate based on the progress of my recovery as well as the time required of me with my first sponsee.

I started working with my three sponsees and continued to make progress. I made sure I always remind my sponsees of the same thing my sponsor reminded me off. That I am not doing them a favour, I am working on my recovery by doing my step 12.

Then again weeks later I was having a conversation with another member from the fellowship. He had a sponsor but wasn’t making progress and he communicated that if I wasn’t so busy he would have asked me to be his sponsor. We talked about it a bit more, and agreed on a rhythm for our interaction and the sponsorship started.

Finally I got a phone call from another fellow addict who newly returned to the fellowship wondering if I can be his sponsor. That last one took a bit of thinking from me, I need to pray about my motive because he is gay. I needed to purify my motive and make sure that I am not putting myself or him at risk as a result of this relationship.

I will post almost nothing about my sponsees but I do plan to blog about the lessons I get from working with them.

7 thoughts on “Step 12: We tried to carry this message

  1. You raise a question I’ve been pondering, letting out my own recovery status as I’ve been doing. What about the …at the level of radio, press, TV and now social media? I have hesitated to say more in my own blog because I remember Gail Storm as spokesperson for Hazelton. She was drunk.

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    1. Thanks for your comment. 🙂

      My understanding is that anonymity here is in relation to the fellowship as a whole and not to me as a person. based on that understanding as long as I share my personal recovery without representing SLAA I should be alright. I don’t even mention my own name, so the whole blog is meant to be anonymous.

      I am open to you shedding light on my blind spots if you think I might be putting the fellowship or its members at risk.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know that in AA and NA new commentary has been issued against any mention of those programs, and our inclusion. On the other hand, with rampant addiction the keystone of 21st century living, maybe our exposing our presence in recovery will help. I’m all for it, fuck the traditions…sometimes!

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      2. I actually think the traditions do in fact help protect the fellowship, for without a safe and united fellowship, there is no recovery.

        that being said there should be a good balance between remaining anonymous and our ability to share the message of recovery and make it accessible to the addict that is searching for an answer.

        it might not be a big deal for AA cause everyone knows about them and can easily find resources. while for Sex addiction fellowship it isn’t the case.

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      3. its a fine line and we’re law breakers. I don’t comment in my work what programs I follow or my time in them or relapse, I’m not an advocate, just someone who needs to put my truth into perspective. I was a member of SLAA for a long time. It didn’t help, nothing did until mother nature and too many relapses made the decision for me.

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