I had the best night sleep. five hours straight uninterrupted which was the best I had all week. that said I woke up at five am. I couldn’t return to sleep. the last few days I have been waking up after my mom had prepared breakfast, this time since I was up before everyone else, I decided to start preparing breakfast. by the time we started eating my little girl woke up and joined us, shortly after that my son got up.
Saturday was the day my wife was schedule to come home with our new born baby girl. The plan was to go pick them up from the hospital shortly after breakfast and be back home early enough to take my two older ones for their Bahai Children Class by 10 am. I got to the hospital early, while waiting for this and that to go home my wife and I were talking about the kids and about how we instruct them, talk to them etc. she sounded so positive and inspiring I was sold.
we got home, I swapped cars, took the two older kids and went to the children’s class which started at 10. the reason we did it that way is that I allow my wife and baby a couple of hours to settle into the home before they kids get all “mummy!! Baby!!” after missing them for the past five days. I had a great time with the kids and then drove home with the two kids almost three hours later. from that point on till the end of the day I had the most tension ever. my wife was very irritable at the kids, overly protective over the baby from the kids and just plain grumpy. I was up since five, I was tired, and I didn’t have a whole lot of patience for irritable and grumpy.
I could tell you what happened or just tell you what I found out. the annoyance, irritability and moodiness continued. I was pretty much over it. and then it hit me. I felt out of control. the situation wasn’t out of control but I wasn’t the one controlling it. that bothered me so much. oh wait let me tell you about one thing. so I am a big believer in attachment parenting. after breakfast I held my new born girl around the house. she asked me THREE TIMES if I am going to put her in the bassinet. I was thinking “lay off woman, Controlling much?!” I didn’t say that of course. but it bothered me so much. and it set the tone for the rest of the day till the thought dawned on me.
it took so much out of me to let go. I know there is a whole list of character defects associated with my desire to control. and it got easier and as the day ended. I had a great time. I had a chat with my wife and cuddled with my baby before I got to type this.
I am in bed and will nod off shortly after this is published.