#SafeTrip2 – Day Zero


I am now sitting in the airport waiting to board my flight to #Singapore. I don’t feel as anxious as I did during my last trip. I actually feel at peace with myself and the world. maybe it is a result of having done Step 5 Yesterday.

I don’t know if I will write long posts like I did during my last trip but I will make it a habit to check in daily, starting a new Series #SafeTrip2 I will also be tweeting away my daily check-ins and bookends etc.

look out for a short daily post from me and keep me company by liking or commenting etc. 🙂 if you don’t want to be associated with the blog, send me a PM on my twitter feed or email me at empowered@outlook.co.nz I would like to hear your thoughts on what I am going through.

thanks and wish me a SafeTrip

Step5 – check! still a sex and love addict.


SLAA is a 12 step program and today I completed Step 5.

Step five says: “Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” When I first came to SLAA I had no idea what it means to do the steps. When I started learning about the steps I couldn’t think of anyone in my life that could be the “other human being” to whom I would admit the exact nature of my wrongs. I had not met my sponsor at the time.

Today I spent 8 hours on Skype with my sponsor, going through my inventory. My resentments, my sexual conduct, people I have harmed and my fears. It was painful and joyful, it had tears and laughter. it was the most rapid succession of emotions I experienced in such a short period of time.

Up until yesterday, I had no idea how it would turn out. I was just willing to do it the way it was meant to be done. I couldn’t ask for a better sponsor nor a better experience. I am grateful to God for showing me his love through this Awe-inspiring experience.

 

The Cute cleaner is just a person


I just finished my F2F SLAA meeting and head to the office to get some work done. On the way up I saw a young man in the darkness of the night walking out of the office building to light a cigarette. He looked cute. I hoped he’d make eye contact, or he’d follow me back into the building.

I go up to the office sit at my desk, and then he shows up. He is the cleaner. oh NICE! I am in the office alone with another boy who I would so much like to act out with or obsess about the possibility of doing so. I decided to bookend it and sent a message to a SLAA member by WhatsApp. Then then young man said: “you are very hardworking”, cause I am in the office late apparently. From his accent I knew he is from China. I had lived in China for a bit and I spoke a few phrases in Chinese so I said hello, we exchange a bit of small talk and he was impressed/surprised that I spoke his mother tongue, or maybe comforted by the familiarity while in a foreign environment. Then we started talking about his struggle with English, and how he moved here to be with his girlfriend and that’s when I thought in my head “Oh Loving God, He is not Gay, Thank you”. Slowly I saw more of the person and less of the Fantasy. He really isn’t that cute “sexually” but he is a wonderful person, he left everything behind to be with his girlfriend. He had wealth and career and now he is just a cleaner to be with his girlfriend. A few minutes later, the girlfriend shows up, apparently they are both in the cleaning business and she was in the office with us, so I am not alone, I am witnessing a wonderful couple work hard to start their relationship that I would have previously ignored with the hope of “getting some”, regardless of what impact that might have had on him, her, or their relationship

How grateful I am to be sober today. Thank you God.