Yesterday was a long happy and tiring day. I had breakfast, got ready and went to work. Long large meeting took place and I was very present and actively participating. Not anxious over what might be waiting me afterwards nor was I trying to secure a liaison through various means while pretending to be present. It felt great.
During the meeting I met two ladies that I had had resentments towards before. For some reason I forgot about them when I was doing my resentment list. And to my pleasant surprise, I didn’t feel any resentment. I felt comfortable and easy. With one of them we chatted throughout the meeting and exchanged ideas about what was being presented. I talked to my sponsor about them this morning and he suggested that it is worthwhile I do a resentment work on them even though I feel okay now.
After the meeting I had a long catch up with a group of colleagues. It was fun. I had a lot of laughter and enjoyed myself. I was able to just let things be and enjoy the present without a preoccupied mind. When I felt tired I simply excused myself and said goodbye to everyone with no intention but to go to my hotel room and get some rest. It was nice, I felt free.
In the cab ride to my hotel, the taxi driver was very gentle, soft spoken, polite and pleasant. We talked and he looked me in the eye with a smile when it was safe to do so while he was driving. And I was wondering, how come he is so nice? Is he flirting with me? Could he be gay? Normally that thought pattern would lead me into a suggestive conversation to find answers to how interested he is to feed my addiction. But this time it was just a reminder that I am still a sex and love addict. I looked straight ahead at the road while talking to him in fear of using in appropriate looks or smiles through my cunning character defects. As we talked he talked about his 20 year old son, I got to share about my family and the conversation was safe and enjoyable. Then I got to my hotel, thanked him, paid, and left.
In my room, I had a nice warm shower, and had a good sleep. I woke up, said my prayers, had my breakfast and had a nice talk with my sponsor. We discussed steps 6 and 7 and after I hung up with him I started reading these steps in the 12 Steps & 12 Traditions as well as the SLAA Big Book. I feel ready to have God remove all my defects of Character. Will continue to pray about it and will read some more to see what is it I need to do to have completed this step.
After I post this, I will head to work for another lovely day. Tonight there is a big work party. I will be dressed up. Will tell you about it tomorrow.