Day five was the last day of my trip. It was meant to have a full day workwise with a lot of meetings but it all freed up last minute with the exception of one brief meeting in the morning. Free days are not always the best for addicts like me, and free days overseas with a hotel room all to myself and all the possibilities around me is an even worse place to be, so I was a little scared.
I had a good breakfast, I went for my meeting which was enjoyable and brief, got back to my hotel room and took a nap because I was a bit tired. I then did a bit of light shopping and got back to my hotel room to pack and check out. I always hated packing. It emotionally bothered me on many levels. It also was one where I am always distracted by constantly checking my phone and emails to see if someone messaged back or if I could have a last minute act out session in my room. This time it was different. I found myself at peace, I enjoyed folding my clothes one piece at a time and arranging them in my suitcase, I could even go as far as to say that packing was the highlight of my day. I felt so organised and at peace.
After I checked out I took a cab to visit my wife’s parents who live where I was. It was a last minute arrangement because I was not supposed to be free but since I was, I called to check in and they were happy to have me. I enjoy spending time with them and catching up, telling them stories about my kids and answering their questions about my wife’s health and wellbeing etc.
An hour after I got to my in-laws was the First SLAA NZ Skype Meeting. I was hosting the meeting as the secretary and I had a friend who was serving as the chairperson. I told my in-laws that I have a confidential conference call, I need access to their internet and I need privacy. They were happy to offer the space and because the expectation was set before I showed up there was nothing uncomfortable nor awkward about me stepping away for the meeting. The meeting went well, there was a really small number of participants which allowed us longer time to share. I felt like this was my reward for staying sober throughout the trip. It was lovely. 🙂
After dinner I took off to the airport and when I checked in I was given a middle seat on a three seat row. I asked for an aisle seat but it wasn’t possible. I was slightly scared of being between two men, or sitting to close to a man that could be a trigger. So I asked if they could look into a seat change later if possible. They did at the gate, and I was given an aisle seat and no one was sitting immediately next to me. How fantastic is that.
I am home now, so happy, end exhausted. I was over the moon to see my kids but slightly resentful towards a few things my wife did. I need to remember that my sobriety wasn’t my doing but rather it was an act of God’s divine care. And to keep attracting His bounties I better show love and forgiveness to those who “wrong” me. I will finish this, say my prayers, and have a bit of time with my wife.
THANK YOU! for making it this far. For reading my highs and lows, for connecting with me and letting me hear your voice, hear your experience when you identified with mine. THANK YOU! for being part of my miracle. For being a sign of God’s love for me. THANK YOU!