So first off let me put myself and everyone at ease and celebrate the fact that by God’s Grace I am still sober today. 93 Days. And it is only by God’s grace. I didn’t even want to be sober last night but God wanted me to, and the only thing I did is just let it be and not stand in the way.
So where were we? Oh yes, I was hungry and writing my “Day One” blog entry. Shortly after that I said my prayers, then went to have breakfast the minute the buffet opened. Then back up at my room, I ironed a shirt got ready for work, packed, check out of the hotel and gone to the office. Had lovely meetings with a lot of good people in the office. Now that I think about it, I am somehow loved by some individuals in my office. They appeared happy to see me, a couple of them wanted to have lunch with me. That was lovely.
I had only 4 hours to spend at the office before my taxi was schedule to come pick me up and send me to the airport. Meetings were productive and enjoyable and then I hit the road. The taxi driver is an older gentleman that I always rely on to drive me places when I am in town. We had a lovely chat about God’s care, our will vs. God’s will and a number of other topics and fun comments. He is a lovely man. I was dropped off, checked into my flight and I am at the airport again.
I never acted out at airports before, but I always wanted to, I usually turn my proximity app on and start seeing who’s available. And it is like chasing a dream because often times the location of the people on the app wasn’t updated after they boarded the plane. hehehe. so anyway, this time I turned the SLAAONLINE.org chat room on and started talking to other SLAA members online, the time flew by until I had to rush to my gate or I’d miss my flight.
I was sitting in a two seat row with no one next to me. Which was good. I was again looked after by my higher power. Well I am always looked after by my higher power but I was again aware of what my higher power is doing for me to keep me safe. There was a good looking guy a few rows ahead of me. I kept reminding myself not to objectify, he is a human being not the front end of my sexual objectification. That was at the start of the trip. 3 hours later I was so tired and I started thinking, I don’t mind being the front end of someone else’s sexual objectification. I WAS SO TIRED! insane thoughts popped like popcorn in my head. One after the other.
I landed in Korea and suddenly felt a bit lonely. It is my first time here and I don’t speak any Korean. In the past when I travelled to countries where I don’t speak the language, I managed to connect using acting out. Sex is a universal language come to think of it. So I thought I was “connecting”. the addicts in the room know very well that was an illusion. So anyway I sat in a cab for half an hour, to get to the city. The driver knew hardly any English, he wasn’t even attractive but I so wanted him to touch me. I acted out in taxis before. I know where to naturally put my hand to accidentally touch his. Anyway I didn’t. And he didn’t either. I tried to make conversations so asked him if he has kids because I could sign “baby” in a way that he understood. So he answers “no, single”! and I think “oh poor guy, would you like a release?” I didn’t tell him that but I wanted to. Then I go off wondering, what if Korea gets attacked then they have to cancel all flights and I will be stuck here so it will then be okay to act out. Right? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa
When I got to my hotel room I was so tired not just physically but I was exhausted by my thoughts . I wanted to cry. I got online and joined part of the SLAAONLINE.org meeting and shared and that helped. I showered, changed and turned off the lights to catch some sleep. 4 hours later I was up before my wakeup call. So I will be tired again tonight. Oh HALT!! God save me.
I said my prayers this morning. I need to get ready and check out because I am flying again tonight. Look forward to my next blog post tomorrow morning.