A spiritual high

I originally planned to name this post “the Sims turned me on” but then I thought I highlight a focus point more worthy of mention rather than search for the catchy title

That being said, the Sims did turn me on. Who would have thought? Certainly not me.

So yesterday started fabulously, it wasn’t a normal day, it wasn’t just another day, it was a REALLY good day. I had an outreach call with another SLAA member, I said my prayers and I started work and then I sent a very grateful message to every SLAA member on my phone book sharing with them how happy I am to be sober, how thankful I am for their support and fellowship. So all cool, right? I also got the most amazing replies to my text.

Then at some point in the afternoon I started playing the Sims game that I recently installed on my phone. I started building houses, getting people to move into them and comes the next task, get two Sims to be romantic and get into a relationship. Guess what I did? I got two men to be in a relationship! I thought that is innocent, right? They are cartoon character, nothing was sexually explicit and they were fully clothed. YET, I got a chemical high from getting these two men to talk, shake hands, and get closer towards their relationship. I was aroused! I wanted to masturbate.

I have been sober for 2 months, and then the thoughts came to my head to help me get my fix, such as: “I could have a shorter sobriety duration for masturbation and just go get off now”. I obviously knew that was an insane thought. So luckily enough I didn’t.

So now I was faced with a decision to make, I knew I had gotten myself into a “shot of whisky in a glass of milk” situation (refer to the AA Big Book for details). I knew that I had to uninstall this game. But I didn’t do it right away.

Last night, we had a study group as part of my religious group and we were sitting reading the Holy Writings and reflecting on the life of one of the Central Figures of our faith. During this meeting I felt a sense of a spiritual high that I didn’t experience for a really long time, tears were trapped in my eyes and I was in AWE. I knew at this moment that I am feeling this way only because I was sober. And I knew at this moment that it is worth the pain and that I am so thankful to have been sober.

Cravings chased me again later that night after bedtime but well, I pulled through! This morning I uninstalled the game and I talked to my sponsor about it.

I am grateful the day passed, I am grateful I am still sober and that I am here to tell the story.

 

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